The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
