Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
