She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We're too hungover to prance.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
