Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
