i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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