i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just google imaged poop.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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