I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
