Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
