Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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