I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
