Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
