people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
