Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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