im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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