oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize