im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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