i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
