My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
