Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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