pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
