I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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