Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
