i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
