i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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