You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
