Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
