So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
