There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
