we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
