bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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