Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
