Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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