All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
