so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
