all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
