also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
