Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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