Will you blow on my dice?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize