no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
