pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
