Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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