My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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