after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
