I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
