Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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