You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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