your room smells of hookers.
And success
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
