i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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