did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize