I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
