Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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