She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize