And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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