i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
