he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
