Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
