the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
