ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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