Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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