That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
