Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
