It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
