why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Randomize
