yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I stole a fireplace last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
