I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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