What did we do last night that was yellow?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
