He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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