Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
