Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
