I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
